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Author Topic: this sucks—but there may be a way out  (Read 28873 times)
The Headacher
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« Reply #30 on: May 04, 2007, 03:07:02 pm »

There is a way out. Just live.

If you search only in areas, that you prefer:
Quote
Linux
Mythology
True metal
True metal
True metal
you're making a big mistake. Though common - I thought the same too Wink .
1) You think, that your girlfriend should be fond of the same things as you.
Why? If she listens only punk-rock - she's a lost case to you automatically? If she is lovely overall, I don't think you'd reject her. But, with this search method, you leave her beyond the scope.
2) You think, that your areas are limited only within those above.
Why? Why can't you suddenly find new, unexplored areas of interest? Why can't your gf show you it?
Your view is narrowed. Your search field is limited. Do you want it to go this way?
-----------snip-----------
Agreed.

I too spent some time searching for a girl that had similar interests as me. My interests too are mostly male dominated. Though it would be nice if a girl had all the same interests in theory, I've seen relationships of perfect soulmates fail and people that didn't seem to belong together at all are still happily together after a long time. I suppose it might very well be true that opposites attract.

You have to ask yourself if shared interests/hobbies are more important than interest in one another. It is unfair to yourself and the girls/women out there who might actually be "interested" in you to select a partner on criteria like those.

Quote
I'm almost positive, that you need a physical training. That will make you more healthy, more physical attractive and you will spend more time with different real people. And, after all, you need enough stamina to perform you-know-what Wink .
It's also a great way to build some confidence. It feels good to do the best you can and to see improvement in your performance. When I've done well in sport I can feel good about that for a few days. When my muscles ache from the warming up at the club, I know it's usually just harmless myalgia that will only make my muscles stronger, and therefore wear my pain with pride.

One word of caution though, if you haven't done sports in quite a while you really should start easy. I didn't and ended up with achilles tendonitis. It's not too bad and should be gone in a few days or so (according to the doctor), but I'm pretty sad I can't sport now. Ironically, it might be a result of cycling too much, not of (pretty hardcore) training at the martial arts club I joined a few weeks ago.

Also, sports can be one of the interests you do share with your next partner.
Quote
So just live your life and don't miss her Wink .
This looks like some fine advice to me... Last monday was a national holiday here, and just before I was going to leave I exchanged a few words with a girl.. It took me quite a long time to realize that she actually liked me (that doesn't happen a lot to me), when I realized my mistake it was already too late and I had a serious d'oh moment:

I take it as a necessary learning moment though. Next time I'll know earlier and I will act accordingly: I will have a proper talk with the girl and see where we end up.
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GrannyGeek
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« Reply #31 on: May 04, 2007, 03:28:34 pm »

I don't think there's anything wrong with the way you look.  Bear in mind that you could easily be my grandson. Someone who would automatically reject you because she thought you were too thin or too short or too heavy or too tall or bald or whatever is not someone you want a deep relationship with.

At 19, what are you worried about? I realize you'd like someone special in your life now and I hope you find that person, but you have a lot of years ahead of you before you need to panic. I met GrampaGeek in a very unlikely place; we've been married for almost 42 years. I had two or three serious romances when I was in college and it really hurt when they ended, but now I'm glad I didn't marry them and found GrampaGeek instead. So things work out in the end.

I'm impressed that you want a woman with brains. When *I* was a girl, we weren't supposed to let on that we were smart. That was considered a sure ticket to Old Maid-hood. Needless to say, GrampaGeek broke with the male culture of his time. Plus, I was out of college by the time I met him.

Be yourself. Be friendly without being fake. Don't be too picky. Be realistic--you'll never find a perfect person with everything you're hoping for. Set some priorities for attitudes and interests she simply must share. The rest don't matter. For Grampa and me, we couldn't abide someone who didn't share our political views, religious views (nonreligious), and love for animals. We don't understand how James Carville and Mary Matalan can stand each other.

Keep us posted. Smiley
--GrannyGeek
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Triarius Fidelis
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« Reply #32 on: May 04, 2007, 03:40:17 pm »

Be yourself. Be friendly without being fake. Don't be too picky. Be realistic--you'll never find a perfect person with everything you're hoping for. Set some priorities for attitudes and interests she simply must share. The rest don't matter. For Grampa and me, we couldn't abide someone who didn't share our political views, religious views (nonreligious), and love for animals. We don't understand how James Carville and Mary Matalan can stand each other.

Keep us posted. Smiley
--GrannyGeek

Ok, good points all. Who knows, sometimes I have a really strange charisma over others...if my friends got me to like metal through the band Opeth, I can perhaps do the same thing. Smiley

Certain world views are important to me. I am basically center-left, so I don't see this as much of a problem... And my religious beliefs come from Protestantism, Judaism, Buddhism, and Heithi, so I can really tolerate a lot of different others.
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rbistolfi
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« Reply #33 on: May 04, 2007, 03:55:47 pm »

I really enjoied reading your story Granny, thanks for share it!
Say hi to GrampaGeek.

Quote
For Grampa and me, we couldn't abide someone who didn't share our political views, religious views (nonreligious), and love for animals.
I think you are rigth about this, I could not stay with a woman with diff political ideas. I am not a religious guy  (most of the time) but I admire others faith sometimes, and sometimes I wish to be one of them (oh could be so warm to beleive in something else than this world!).

Quote
And my religious beliefs come from Protestantism, Judaism, Buddhism, and Heithi, so I can really tolerate a lot of different others.
That could be a nice religion to study...if I would a theolugus Wink
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« Reply #34 on: May 04, 2007, 06:36:44 pm »

I really enjoied reading your story Granny, thanks for share it!
Say hi to GrampaGeek.

Quote
For Grampa and me, we couldn't abide someone who didn't share our political views, religious views (nonreligious), and love for animals.
I think you are rigth about this, I could not stay with a woman with diff political ideas. I am not a religious guy  (most of the time) but I admire others faith sometimes, and sometimes I wish to be one of them (oh could be so warm to beleive in something else than this world!).

Think about it. What differentiates a conscious being from the unfeeling lump of welded silicon I am using to type this post? I arrived at the conclusion there is something that makes creatures more than the sums of their parts. I cannot find an exact English word to call it by, but Atemseele and Atman are pretty close, the 'vital breath'.

For the reader's edification, the two are in fact related.
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GrannyGeek
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« Reply #35 on: May 04, 2007, 08:29:00 pm »

Think about it. What differentiates a conscious being from the unfeeling lump of welded silicon I am using to type this post?

Unromantic though it may be to say, what differentiates a conscious being is a functioning brain. Throw in genes and the unique personal environment that shapes us and there you have it.

This doesn't rule out things like awe and altruism. It just doesn't assume there must be some spirit world to explain these things.
--GrannyGeek
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« Reply #36 on: May 04, 2007, 08:40:01 pm »

Think about it. What differentiates a conscious being from the unfeeling lump of welded silicon I am using to type this post?

Unromantic though it may be to say, what differentiates a conscious being is a functioning brain.

Exactly. How does a two-pound mass of nervous tissue feel? If all thought and sensation resolve to the very base level of electrical impulses and chemical reactions, why can't machines think?

Despite our great deficiencies in speed and memory, there is one redeeming trait for the human brain: it boasts a far greater scope of computation than even our most sophisticated digital computers, just as they themselves greatly surpass comparatively primitive analog devices like the difference engine and Pascaline in the same respect. There is no way I could present empirical evidence for this—I don't mean to anyway—but I believe that to be such computers, all life and life processes in general, and humans in particular, are invested with an Atemseele (literally, breath-soul) that transcends the physical world.
« Last Edit: May 04, 2007, 08:44:55 pm by hanumizzle » Logged

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« Reply #37 on: May 04, 2007, 08:40:55 pm »

 Shocked ...only I could do this to a thread, given the original topic.
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rbistolfi
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« Reply #38 on: May 05, 2007, 01:25:22 pm »

Quote
I arrived at the conclusion there is something that makes creatures more than the sums of their parts. I cannot find an exact English word to call it by, but Atemseele and Atman are pretty close, the 'vital breath'.

Well, I do believe "there is something that makes creatures more than the sums of their parts". To be honest, I think there is a fact about it, something make the multiple, one. But I think we cant have knowledge about it. We dont know if that unity is given by our soul, or it is just a sustantive, an empty word, even a noise. Most of the time is not a trouble for me. Some times I believe that the human abilitie to have a language, to make culture, to share an space biger than themselfs is the key to understand this things. Sometimes when I feel realy great, (listening music, reading a great book, or just spending some time with my wife and the little baby) I believe in something bigger, something powerfull, like a god or Atman, we could say. The worst day I think all of this is just an ilusion and empty idea created by the structure of our language, by the sustantive, the subject.
But the real thing is we cant know too much about this. My previous words are based on my own feelings and states of my mind. Is not a genuine philosophical reaserch.
I think, Granny, is a fact we cant resolve this empiricly, the science have very little tools to take the lead on this discusion.
What differentiates a conscious being is this: if we work a lot, and I mean a lot, If we study and we do a lot of efforts, if we have luck, and if the rest of the world help us, we could make our own fate, we could choose and be the owners of ourselves, and we could have our freedom. May be. Is just a little chance. But machines dont have it. Software. Software is the difference.

PS to the new members of the forum: Usually we are funny and happy people, we are just having hard days now  Wink

PS2: Sorry, my english is not good enough to talk about this things. I readed Quine, Russell and others in english at college, but I cant remember anithing of that  Angry

PS3: When I say "software" I think in "La biblioteca de babel" (The babel library) of JL Borges, http://jubal.westnet.com/hyperdiscordia/library_of_babel.html
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« Reply #39 on: May 05, 2007, 07:24:50 pm »

But the real thing is we cant know too much about this. My previous words are based on my own feelings and states of my mind. Is not a genuine philosophical reaserch.

I will hold a belief in such an Atman or Atemseele no matter how many human behaviors suggest the contrary...

What differentiates a conscious being is this: if we work a lot, and I mean a lot, If we study and we do a lot of efforts, if we have luck, and if the rest of the world help us, we could make our own fate, we could choose and be the owners of ourselves, and we could have our freedom. May be. Is just a little chance. But machines dont have it. Software. Software is the difference.

LOLOL, that's like the one verse from Magic of the Wizard's Dream.

PS2: Sorry, my english is not good enough to talk about this things. I readed Quine, Russell and others in english at college, but I cant remember anithing of that  Angry

I read some of Bertrand Russell's philosophical texts as well. I disagreed with mostly everything he had to say about religion, but I did agree with most of his other social, economic, and political viewpoints.
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rbistolfi
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« Reply #40 on: May 05, 2007, 08:28:42 pm »

Quote
I will hold a belief in such an Atman or Atemseele no matter how many human behaviors suggest the contrary...

Good... we just cant have knowledge, I mean scientific knowledge (a priori or a posteriori). But we can keep our faith.

Quote
LOLOL, that's like the one verse from Magic of the Wizard's Dream.
Wow! good for me, I will try to listen Raphsody, I never did. I can read english, with some effort, but listening will be a hard work. I will find the lirycs.

Quote
I read some of Bertrand Russell's philosophical texts as well. I disagreed with mostly everything he had to say about religion, but I did agree with most of his other social, economic, and political viewpoints.
Yes, of course. His point of view over religion is wrong, a religion is much more than a superstition! I was very interested on his language theory and the semantic paradox. The denotation, logic phylosophy. His mathemathic philosophy...a great thinker. I dont like his ideas about Nietzche and other germans, he was bad influenced by the war, I think.

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"There is a concept which corrupts and upsets all others. I refer not to Evil, whose limited realm is that of ethics; I refer to the infinite."
Jorge Luis Borges, Avatars of the Tortoise.

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« Reply #41 on: May 05, 2007, 08:43:31 pm »

I had the German version in mind in particular, but the English translation is close enough. It says

Quote
I know which is my fate
Bound to Erian's old tale
I'll be always there
Fighting the ancient sin
Moonshine in this eternal night

The German text sounded better to do me, and for the record that goes

Quote
Mein Schicksal ist mir klar
Wie schon Erian es erzählt
Werd' ich immer sein
Und kämpfen gegen alte Sünd'
Mondschein in dieser ew'gen Nacht

My fate is clear to me, as already Erian explained: I will always survive and fight against old sins...moonshine in this eternal night
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GrannyGeek
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« Reply #42 on: May 05, 2007, 09:32:06 pm »

I read some of Bertrand Russell's philosophical texts as well. I disagreed with mostly everything he had to say about religion, but I did agree with most of his other social, economic, and political viewpoints.

I, in contrast, agree with most of what Russell says about religion. I don't know why people cling to this so desperately. Well, I *do* know the psychological pull. But Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy had a psychological pull, too.
--GrannyGeek
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« Reply #43 on: May 05, 2007, 09:50:41 pm »

The notion of God is certainly much older than Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy, and it's also about something more meaningful. Rather than a half-dollar or some toy, it's about the "why?" I know this sounds totally childish, but I think there is a "why"; otherwise we wouldn't be here.

Whether there is a continuation of consciousness after death, I can't really guess. To me, absolute death is not anywhere near as scary a prospect as assuming the sickly corporeal husk again (i.e., reincarnation). I hope I will have done enough to be ready for it if it does happen anyway.

* hanumizzle goes to look for fresh newbie posts to bump up his score...
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« Reply #44 on: May 06, 2007, 06:34:58 am »

Come may May 19, 19!

Ah, to be a kid again.....

It sucks. I will never look on it fondly.

I know I sound bitter, but there's a reason people think I'm in my mid-twenties: youth has been crushed out of me completely.

Hanu: I'm not much older than you, but when I read the above, I knew it wasn't true.
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