Alrighty, this is what I get from MPlayer when I use CLI to start it
media:$ mplayer dvd
MPlayer 1.0rc1-3.4.6 (C) 2000-2006 MPlayer Team
CPU: Intel Pentium III Katmai/Pentium III Xeon Tanner (Family: 6, Model: 7, Stepping: 3)
CPUflags: MMX: 1 MMX2: 1 3DNow: 0 3DNow2: 0 SSE: 1 SSE2: 0
Compiled with runtime CPU detection.
Playing dvd.
Win32 LoadLibrary failed to load: avisynth.dll, /usr/lib/codecs/avisynth.dll, /usr/lib/win32/avisynth.dll, /usr/local/lib/win32/avisynth.dll
Seek failed
Exiting... (End of file)
This is what I get from xine when started from command
media:$ xine --auto-play --auto-scan dvd
This is xine (X11 gui) - a free video player v0.99.4.
(c) 2000-2004 The xine Team.
libdvdread: Using libdvdcss version 1.2.9 for DVD access
libdvdread: Attempting to retrieve all CSS keys
libdvdread: This can take a _long_ time, please be patient
libdvdread: Get key for /VIDEO_TS/VIDEO_TS.VOB at 0x0000012f
libdvdread: Elapsed time 0
libdvdread: Get key for /VIDEO_TS/VTS_01_0.VOB at 0x00000190
libdvdread: Elapsed time 0
libdvdread: Get key for /VIDEO_TS/VTS_01_1.VOB at 0x0000cb5b
libdvdread: Elapsed time 0
libdvdread: Get key for /VIDEO_TS/VTS_02_0.VOB at 0x0000dba9
libdvdread: Elapsed time 0
libdvdread: Get key for /VIDEO_TS/VTS_02_1.VOB at 0x0000dbf6
libdvdread: Elapsed time 0
libdvdread: Get key for /VIDEO_TS/VTS_03_0.VOB at 0x0000f6d6
libdvdread: Elapsed time 0
libdvdread: Get key for /VIDEO_TS/VTS_03_1.VOB at 0x0000f723
libdvdread: Elapsed time 0
libdvdread: Found 3 VTS's
libdvdread: Elapsed time 0
Incidentally, video is choppy, audio is perfect.
VLC seems to be the opposite - perfect video and choppy audio

Here's the current output
media:$ vlc /dev/dvd
VLC media player 0.8.6a Janus
libdvdnav: Using dvdnav version 0.2.0cvs from http://dvd.sf.net
libdvdread: Using libdvdcss version 1.2.9 for DVD access
libdvdnav: DVD Title: MSN_ENDGAME
libdvdnav: DVD Serial Number: 3BDD7B5D___MVB__
libdvdnav: DVD Title (Alternative):
libdvdnav: Unable to find map file '/home/media/.dvdnav/MSN_ENDGAME.map'
libdvdnav: DVD disk reports itself with Region mask 0x00f50000. Regions: 2 4
libdvdread: Attempting to retrieve all CSS keys
libdvdread: This can take a _long_ time, please be patient
libdvdread: Get key for /VIDEO_TS/VIDEO_TS.VOB at 0x0000012f
libdvdread: Elapsed time 0
libdvdread: Get key for /VIDEO_TS/VTS_01_0.VOB at 0x00000190
libdvdread: Elapsed time 0
libdvdread: Get key for /VIDEO_TS/VTS_01_1.VOB at 0x0000cb5b
libdvdread: Elapsed time 0
libdvdread: Get key for /VIDEO_TS/VTS_02_0.VOB at 0x0000dba9
libdvdread: Elapsed time 0
libdvdread: Get key for /VIDEO_TS/VTS_02_1.VOB at 0x0000dbf6
libdvdread: Elapsed time 0
libdvdread: Get key for /VIDEO_TS/VTS_03_0.VOB at 0x0000f6d6
libdvdread: Elapsed time 0
libdvdread: Get key for /VIDEO_TS/VTS_03_1.VOB at 0x0000f723
libdvdread: Elapsed time 0
libdvdread: Found 3 VTS's
libdvdread: Elapsed time 0
[00000321] a52 decoder: A/52 channels:2 samplerate:48000 bitrate:224000
No accelerated IMDCT transform found
[00000359] a52 decoder: A/52 channels:2 samplerate:48000 bitrate:224000
No accelerated IMDCT transform found
[00000297] main playlist: stopping playback
Checking Htop while testing the three options showed that when the DVD played, the CPU was getting maxed out in all cases. Conceivably, shutting off a few services might help in that, but I'm uncertain a) how to or b) which services I can remove.
Alternatively, I can try using 5.8 Standard, but by all accounts 5.8 SOHO runs faster than Standard even with KDE. So yes, uncertain.
Again, any help is greatly appreciated.
EDIT: Tried playing a few movie files (admittedly, over a network connection) and got similar results - MPlayer fails with same (gui) error, VLC seems to track audio perfectly while dropping a few video frames occassionally (small but noticeable) and xine (after the initially slow startup) exhibits video-audio desync. Starting to think I'm asking too much from this old girl
