I have had problems before with multiple optical drives.
My fix was to edit the section of /etc/fstab that list them, something like:
# CDROM, CDWRITER, DVD
#/dev/cdrom /mnt/cdrom iso9660 defaults,noauto,ro,user 0 0
/dev/cdwriter /mnt/cdwriter iso9660 defaults,noauto,rw,user 0 0
/dev/dvd /mnt/dvd auto defaults,noauto,ro,user 0 0
I replaced the "/dev/cdwriter" and "/dev/dvd" with the actual locations of my drives (/dev/hdc and /dev/hdd). This does not give me automount (don't like it anyways), but makes it easy to access the drive through Konqueror, media tab (system:/media if you want to type it in the address bar). I use vl-hot. For auto-mounting you will need HAL.
Reason why you have three icons, is that there are these three entries corresponding to whether you are using a CD-ROM, CD-RW or DVD media. I prefer to just use two, one for each physical drive. Commenting out the line for "/dev/cdrom" removed that entry.
As far as the desktop icons, you may need to edit those in a similar way.