hey guys

[Triarius Fidelis]

geez I haven't been around in a while

My activity with computers—and consequently with dev and stuff—has diminished a lot in recent months, for numerous reasons. The first is that they are one of the few thing that provokes irrational and addictive behavior from me. I do not like that, because this obsessive behavior keeps me away from other people. If I am going to interact with, or at least tolerate all the people I see, I have to deal with them personally more. Next is that programming tends to reward empirical observation more than formal proof, especially outside of functional programming. The sloppiness of programming bothers me, even with test units, compared to when I write a proof I feel I can trust. Then there is also the fact that I feel somewhat more positive when I am not encumbered by a lot of material possessions. I know that computers are basically necessary for studying, e.g., fractals and huge linear systems where there are tons of tedious calculations. But in general, I feel that computers taint the purity of thought in the same way that flesh taints the purity of the spirit, even though it extends a lot of special abilities to it. I am taking Computer Organization now, where we learn about low-level operations and put them into practice with assembly. The insides are actually kind of ugly. Sure, not as ugly as analog computers, but still kind of ugly. It's not a bad class though.

In any case, yeah I'm still in school. I should very easily destroy my current course load and pile up credits like grain. I'm committed to CS partly because I'm almost half way there, partly because it's lucrative and partly because I'm not sure I'll ever be good enough to be a bona fide math major, although I am often the first one to understand a new concept in my finite mathematics class. Everything else beyond that is really uncertain ... I have very few real friends, I'll probably have to get another soul-crushing shit job during the summer except that I can't drive (in a country with absolutely terrible public transportation in most places), I haven't gotten any scholarships despite having applied for many, etc.... One of the reasons I have become so awe-struck by math these days is that it is one of the few things that can take me out of this world, beyond other humans, beyond the material world, and let me partake in the divine for a while, more so than history, philosophy or fiction. That is especially important now that I feel my stake in this world is becoming kind of worthless.

I'll still check in on some of the help threads and on pit threads here, but very probably will not be anywhere near as active as I used to be.

[nightflier]

Hanu, (sorry, that's still the name that sticks in my mind)

We all have to find and follow our own course.
Computers can be addictive, but they are just things.
Concentrate on what's important: YOU!

We will miss your participation, but I think I speak for everyone when I say we all want all the best for you. Drop in when you want to and participate at the level that makes you comfortable.

Roy

[rbistolfi]

Wise words from Nightflier, you will find your place surely, on computers or in anything else, that is not important (I hope that for myself too). Just say hi from time in time and tell us about you, my friend.

[overthere]

Hi epic fail guy
Glad you are still about, and thanks for your previous help here.
Yes I agree, computers can provoke irrational and addictive behavior. Also the encumberence of material can be negative, yet personally I must have something, even if just a very good lighter in my pocket. Real friends are hard to achieve and must be cherished otherwise they become memorys. I have several. memories that is. ha.  As for shit-jobs I have had many, but even dishwashing can be entertaining to the extent you are achieveing the best possible human automation. I once had the task of folding boxs together for an assemply line. Most quit the first hour but I was determined to create the most boxs per minute. once achived I did quite but it made the job worth doing. If only I could apply this to all things. Perhaps I would excell at math as you appear to do. best of luck
cheers

[nubcnubdo]

Do you remember what his neighbors said to the 40-year-old virgin as he mounted his bicycle to pedal to work. That's what I'm thinkin is going on here. What are you saying, Fail Guy, that math isn't obsessive? How bout the math doctoral candidate who finally shot his professor-nemesis. He said, no problem, I can spend all that prison time studying math.

[tomh38]

Hi Hanu/EFG,

Some of the things I'm going to say have already been said at least in some way.  I think it's very important that you take of yourself, and that includes avoiding behavior that is addictive for you.  As for soul-crushing jobs ... I've had a few.  I wish I could offer some consoling advice, but I don't have any.  Once I spent a summer trimming grass around headstones at a cemetery in ~100° (Fahrenheit) temperatures, and I hated every minute of it.  I also find material things often to be a burden.  I think this may be partly because in a way they can own you as much as you own them.  I worry about what might happen if they are broken, lost, or stolen.  I wonder if a friend wants what I have that he doesn't and if he resents me for that, and so on.

I wish you all the best.  I hope to see you around but what's more important is that you take care of yourself.

Pecca fortiter.

Tom

P.S.  Check out Ubuntu 9.0:  Hungry Hippo

[Triarius Fidelis]

Do you remember what his neighbors said to the 40-year-old virgin as he mounted his bicycle to pedal to work. That's what I'm thinkin is going on here. What are you saying, Fall Guy, that math isn't obsessive? How bout the math doctoral candidate who finally shot his professor. He said, no problem, I can spend all that prison time studying math.

Well, no, the last movie I saw was Alien.

Yeah I guess math can be obsessive. If you look at the history of every conquering country, the only one that was close to being innumerate was the Roman Empire, so, as Napoleon pointed out, math is the power to dominate in the civilized world. I mean I don't care for fascism and autocracy at a logical level, but they are deeply appealing in my gut.

That is another reason I like math, because it's like the modern Elder Futhark in a way: everyone at least vaguely knows the symbols of either one, and at the surface they seem grave and magical. In some sense, they're both used for divining, protection, curses, etc., (although math is way more reliable), and at a deeper level they both suggest terrible strength of will, bloodshed and unbridled power for historical reasons. Consider that. That is why I use Elhaz, Sowilo, Tiwaz etc. as binary operators.

Even so, if I am in the middle of doing a proof (or trying) and someone asks for help or just wants my attention, I will let it rest for a moment. I easily lose track of time on a computer.

If the doctoral candidate in question is real, his plan was counterproductive. Surely, daily brutal violence and gang rape upset the peace of mind needed for serious study.

Oh and thanks for all other replies.

[nubcnubdo]

Joe Bob Briggs went through something like what you're going through. Finally, someone helpfully pointed out that he was addicted to being addicted, and he started to get his head right. Check it out.
http://www.amazon.com/Iron-Joe-Bob-Briggs/dp/0871135531

[M0E-lnx]

Long time no see dude... You should stop by more often even you can't be as involved... My hope is that someday, we'll all have enough time to get the old gang back and get back to what we love .... Developing VL

Nice to head from you guy (or at least read a post! )

[Triarius Fidelis]

Joe Bob Briggs went through something like what you're going through. Finally, someone helpfully pointed out that he was addicted to being addicted, and he started to get his head right. Check it out.
http://www.amazon.com/Iron-Joe-Bob-Briggs/dp/0871135531

Who is he? I was reading the reviews and the excerpt offered by Amazon, and everything seemed like a dead ringer for the traditional metal subculture, something I never cared for even after I started listening to metal almost exclusively.

[nubcnubdo]

Joe Bob has several personas, wears several hats. He's a B-movie commentator, a stand-up comedian, a syndicated newspaper columnist, and a satirical writer. A compilation of his stand-up routines can be found in The Cosmic Wisdom of Joe Bob Briggs. His earlier work as a B-movie maven got him banned in several locales. He tends to push the envelope taste-wise. Also he has a wicked pen, as they say, which makes him controversial. As far as I know, he has no connection to metal underground. He's more like a Vegas act. For example, the book Iron Joe Bob is endorsed on the cover by Wayne Newton, as well as Stephen King.

[Triarius Fidelis]

I figured as much, but the book does suggest a lot of the traits of the degenerate metal culture. It's what I know, so that's the reason I drew the comparison.

[nubcnubdo]

oh

[Triarius Fidelis]

Wait I'm not from Nova Scotia