geez I haven't been around in a while
My activity with computers—and consequently with dev and stuff—has diminished a lot in recent months, for numerous reasons. The first is that they are one of the few thing that provokes irrational and addictive behavior from me. I do not like that, because this obsessive behavior keeps me away from other people. If I am going to interact with, or at least tolerate all the people I see, I have to deal with them personally more. Next is that programming tends to reward empirical observation more than formal proof, especially outside of functional programming. The sloppiness of programming bothers me, even with test units, compared to when I write a proof I feel I can trust. Then there is also the fact that I feel somewhat more positive when I am not encumbered by a lot of material possessions. I know that computers are basically necessary for studying, e.g., fractals and huge linear systems where there are tons of tedious calculations. But in general, I feel that computers taint the purity of thought in the same way that flesh taints the purity of the spirit, even though it extends a lot of special abilities to it. I am taking Computer Organization now, where we learn about low-level operations and put them into practice with assembly. The insides are actually kind of ugly. Sure, not as ugly as analog computers, but still kind of ugly. It's not a bad class though.
In any case, yeah I'm still in school. I should very easily destroy my current course load and pile up credits like grain. I'm committed to CS partly because I'm almost half way there, partly because it's lucrative and partly because I'm not sure I'll ever be good enough to be a bona fide math major, although I am often the first one to understand a new concept in my finite mathematics class. Everything else beyond that is really uncertain ... I have very few real friends, I'll probably have to get another soul-crushing shit job during the summer except that I can't drive (in a country with absolutely terrible public transportation in most places), I haven't gotten any scholarships despite having applied for many, etc.... One of the reasons I have become so awe-struck by math these days is that it is one of the few things that can take me out of this world, beyond other humans, beyond the material world, and let me partake in the divine for a while, more so than history, philosophy or fiction. That is especially important now that I feel my stake in this world is becoming kind of worthless.
I'll still check in on some of the help threads and on pit threads here, but very probably will not be anywhere near as active as I used to be.
